It’s the last week of my 28th. I survived! And I am about to turn 29. I am preparing to leave for France to go snowboarding this Friday, and I am finishing up lots of work this week.
I have barely taken the time to reflect on my past year as I would normally do around New Years, so it feels good to take a little time reflecting about it now. After all, 2019 started with a delicious creative writing session in the morning by the fire- and I formulated the intention to do a lot more WRITING this year.
My word for this year is DESIRE, moving on from 2018’s AUTHENTICITY – (which will remain a big focus because I am not done learning and transforming there yet). I intend to listen in to my true desires more, and give myself more time to write and be creative.
So, let’s get started!
2018: Time to work
As opposed to the three years previous to this one – that were about recovery, healing and wellness, 2018 has been a lot about career, work and money. Yes, I have retired at 25! But I am not done giving my gifts to the world yet. It’s time to work for myself, be my own boss, and develop the structures in which I can give the world what I have to offer.
I started 2018 applying for an entrepreneurship program that I never thought I would sign up for – or be admitted to. And guess what?! I got it.
It was a big chance for me to learn about self-employment and everything that comes with it. Like say, taxes. Healthy finances. All the boring stuff.
As you might now, the current economy isn’t something I admire or agree with. I don’t like the division of wealth in the world and how profit is put over Nature, animals and people. Still, I need money to live and I can only give what I really want to give if I have the time, space and money to develop it. And so, some serious learning was needed!
Here I was spending day after day at the Chamber of Commerce from January until September 2018. That building that would normally make me feel sick to my stomach because of the association with shallow commercialism…. Yes, that building!
Isn’t life full of surprises?!
I loved how open-minded my coaches have been towards the way in which I want to work, following my ecological and holistic vision. I learned an incredible amount of things, and I don’t think I could be doing what I am doing now if it wasn’t for this program. I found that entrepreneurship (this means living my dream/soul mission to me) takes a hell lot of courage, wisdom, discipline and much, much more. It is a major path of personal growth. I have noticed how basically everything that is still an obstacle for me, such as feelings of (un)worthiness, taking up space, believing in oneself and such, has come up and is still rising to the surface in major ways.
And there’s so much more to come.
It’s difficult, it’s challenging, it’s exciting and it’s very much worth it. My soul feels happy (most of the time) and leads the way. It’s VERY intuitive. And it all comes down to me. I really am the motor behind everything, all of my income, and when I don’t find the discipline or courage, nothing happens. Nobody is coming to save me.
As a facilitator, I have grown beautifully. I remember those days in which I was so nervous to organize workshops, scared that nobody would come anyway. Unable to ask for enough money to cover my time, investments and worth.
Comparing to where I am now, I feel great and proud of myself. I have become much more confident, and I mostly don’t feel nervous anymore. Just super excited, full of curiosity and adrenaline for the ceremony, session or workshop to come. Feeling like I am in the right place when I am doing what I do, aligned and giving the world the best I can give.
The other day some complete strangers walked into my house for a breath work ceremony. We had an really moving evening together. As I was facilitating, I teared up because I was so moved by the safety and unconditional love we had created there. From strangers to DEEP connection. This feels like a blessing.
Starting my own work has been, is and will be a big test in applying the lessons I needed to learn in my period of burn-out and chronic fatigue. It really comes down me to hold healthy boundaries, take enough rest, and making sure I am staying healthy now. Overall I can say things went well. There’s been times in which I have felt overwhelmed. My body started giving signs that I know from my pre-burn out period, such as dizziness and light-headedness. I have listened, cancelled my duties and taken rest. Other times I have felt kind of worried looking at my schedule, and made a change before I start to feel overwhelmed. By canceling on some things that did not have my priority, I created more space for myself, and that feeling is delicious! My energy has been increasing in a sustainable way and it’s so exciting. I am often surprising myself how energetic I’m feeling and how much I am able to get done in one day. Almost functioning like an average human being again! I will continue to explore and learn more about ecological rhythms for human beings, and trust me they are not going to have much to do with our current day lifestyle.
- Mooji: This summer I went to a silent 5 day retreat with Mooji and it was amazing! Magical. Deeply touched on levels I didn’t know I had. A blog is in the making to describe the crazy as experience I had during his satsang, in the meantime check out his videos and The Invitation to Freedom: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5_sbzSXs0E
- Byron Katie: Byron Katie came to Amsterdam for an evening workshop and I really enjoyed her teachings. Because it WORKS! I use turning around phrases mostly in relation to lovers when I am frustrated with them, and it’s really insightful and helpful. A little less frustration in navigating love land is so welcome to me. Read all about it here: http://thework.com/en
- Nicole Costerus: I took the Awakening Intuition for Women course with Nicole Costerus (Wild Woman Rise) this autumn and it was mindblowing. (A little blog about that is in the making as well). Find her here: https://wildwomanrise.com/
“The Enchanted life” by Sharon Blackie
“The enchanted life presented here is one which is intuitive, which embraces wonder, and fully engages the creative imagination – but it is also deeply embodied, ecological, grounded in place and community. It flourishes on work that has heart and meaning; it respects the instinctive knowledge and playfulness of children. It understands the myths we live by; thrives on poetry, song and dance. It loves the folkloric, the handcrafted, the practice of traditional skills. It respects wild things, recognises the wisdom of the crow, seeks out the medicine of plants. It rummages and roots on the wild edges, but comes home to an enchanted home and garden. It is engaged with the small, the local, the ethical; enchanted living is slow living.
Ultimately, to live an enchanted life is to pick up the pieces of our bruised and battered psyches, and to offer them the nourishment they long for. It is to be challenged, to be awakened, to be gripped and shaken to the core by the extraordinary which lies at the heart of the ordinary. Above all, to live an enchanted life is to fall in love with the world all over again. This is an active choice, a leap of faith which is necessary not just for our own sakes, but for the sake of the wide, wild Earth in whose being and becoming we are so profoundly and beautifully entangled.’” – https://sharonblackie.net/the-enchanted-life/
“Carry me with your wings of light
Eagle bring us the medicine
of the wind, of the air, of the stars, of the sun
shining, you guide the way
Cure, cure, cure me
heal everything I carry
giving gratitude for my life
Mother Earth I love you
Fly with the wind, fly with the wind
carry me with your wings of love,
Condor bring us the medicine of the sky,
illuminate my interior
flying, you show me the way”
Plans for the coming year
Other than that, I will continue to conspire with beauties to organize events that bring healing, connection and Earth alignment. I am really looking forward to empowering myself more this year, developing and working with my intuitive skills more, and bringing more self care, balance, discipline, joy and wildness to my daily life.
I will organize more breath work ceremonies, a weekend of silence, and A LOT of Earth-based celebrations (Imbolc, Ostara/Spring Equinox, Beltane & the Summer Solstice). Giving Quantum Touch based healing sessions remains one of my favorite things to do ever, and you can read all about it here: https://inthisreality.com/energy-healing/
Last but not least,
I’m wishing you all the magic, resilience and strength for the New Year. We are here to learn and gain wisdom, let’s hold each others hands more during these life journeys of ours – that can bring so much beauty, as well as pain.
Have a great 2019, you all!